These are just some funny things to do in certain places, or just funny lists I've collected them through e-mails and on the internet. Enjoy!
40 things to do with an umbrella
51 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart
18 Things To Do In A Bathroom Stall
21 Ways to Keep Insane
21 Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation
10 Things to do at a Boring Movie
27 Ways to have fun in a Supermarket
50 Things To Do in an Elevator
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. Hold it up, but lower than usual, so that it touches your hair. Then, take it away and your hair's gone static! Cool, huh?!
2. Listen to the pattering of the rain on it and it *yawns* send you . . . t *yawns again* . . . to sle . . . e . . . p . . . z z z z z z z z
3. Put it in front of your face and walk around saying "I am an umbrella, fear me!"
4. Pretend it's a gun and point it at passers by, shouting "BANG"
5. Dress up as a wizard and go round saying weird spells while tapping things with it ("things" being people, animals, objects in shops . . . )
6. Paint it different colours, stick bits of paper to it and . . . WAHLAH! You have your very own peice of modern art. Sell it to a gallery for a ludicrous price.
7. Open it up and stick it in a (very large) ice-cream sundae for that instant carribean feel!
8. Put it upside down and stand on it. Then, hold the upturned handle and attempt to jump, singing the 'Tiggers Are Wonderful Things' song really loudly and really badly
9. Go to Walmart and place 40 or so of the same colour on hold. If they ask, tell them that you are afraid they'll run out of your favourite colour - idea by Katie @ ADCSR
10. Go to Walmart and get one out of the spiffy umbrella aisle. Open it up, skip around the aisles and sing (more like YELL), "I'm siiiiiinging in the rain!" Try to bump into as many customers as possible - idea by Katie @ ADCSR
11. Have a long conversation with it in French, just to freak out your parents/teachers
12. Run out into the street and pretend that your umbrella is trying to kill you. Then shout 'GET AWAY FROM ME!' and throw it into the gutter. See how many people look oddly at their own umbrellas
13. Hold it in your hands and run around a busy street yelling, "its alive! It's alive!"
14. Take it into a resturant, find the most expensive food and point to the umbrella saying, "and she'll take the caviar"
15. If you live in Southern California, dust it, because you're not using it - idea by Aly of Exotic
16. Teach it sign language infront of an adult. Preferably someone who doesn't already know what a freak you are. If you're especially adventurous, yell at it for not doing the motions correctly, get frusterated, cause a scene - idea by Aly of Exotic
17. Write an ode to it and read your poem to the class in a very grave voice - idea by Aly of Exotic
18. Make a website devoted to it - idea by Aly of Exotic
19. Ask strangers to help settle a dispute between you and the umbrella. Something incredibly stupid. Make it so that the correct answer is yours, and then thank the person, yell "I TOLD YOU SO" at the umbrella, and walk off - Idea by Aly of Exotic
20. Tango with it while in a public place, yell at it for stepping on your toes and tell it that you're going to take it to a dance teacher if it doesn't get it right - idea by Shelly at SPCAC
21. Book a table for two in a posh resturant, and take the umbrella. Hopefully the waiter will ask you for your coat and umbrella. Hold your umbrella close and shout out, "no! this man is trying to steal my beloved!" - idea by Hilary @ Dazzle
22. Go into a store and open the umbrella. Buy something, and when the clerk asks you for the money, say the umbrella is paying - idea by Tiffany @ Seabreeze
23. Walk around school saying "FEAR ME! I AM THE UMBRELLA OF DEATH!"
24. Take it into a crowded elevator and proceed to open it up
25. Put it in the middle of your sitting room/bedroom/kitchen/etc - it's a great conversation piece!
26. Take it into a lesson with you, sit down, open it, and start working totally normally
27. Place it on the street, wrapped in a blanket and with a sign saying, "please give money". See how many people do.
28. Let it watch television in an electronics store
29. Put it in a blanket in a basket on a doorstep with a note saying "please care for me" - idea by Sarah @ Rhapsody
30. Take it to a crowded retauraunt and hang it by it's handle from the ceiling in the bathroom. Leave a suicide note - idea by Sarah @ Rhapsody
31. Sit in the back seat of a pick up truck in a parking lot with your umbrella, wearing sun glasses (both of you!), and pointing hair dryers at passing cars to see how many slow down - idea by Mutt
32. Bring your umbrella to school with you, and explain that s/he is a foreign exchange student - idea by Mutt
33. Throw your umbrella out of a second story window, then run around the house screaming "AHA! I HAVE INVENTED GRAVITY!!" - idea by Mutt
34. Sit in a grocery store parking lot and chew on it while asking people if they've found the Lord - idea by Soonipi
35. Dress the unbrella up like you and say you found your twin - idea by cardiluver
36. Open it up and tie your rabbit to it. The rabbit moves, thinks the umbrella is chasing it and goes beserk (I thought this was a good idea when I was seven. My rabbit wasn't so impressed) - idea by Lyn
37. Open it indoors and watch the superstitious people cringe - idea by Lyn
38. Spend the day jumping off park benches using the umbrella as a parachute. You watch - everyone will be doing it ;) - idea by Lyn
39. In a row, preferrably on Jerry Springer, open it up in the other person's face and say, "talk to the umbrella, coz even the hand don't wanna listen" - idea by Lyn
40. Attach it to a lead and try to win your local dog show - idea by Lyn
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling
them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the
store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute
intervals throughout the day
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all
the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of
gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what
happens.
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them
off and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't
seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap
anyway?!"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire
store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and
Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from
other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are
any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a
full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic
as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission Impossible.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me
to your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go
to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't
get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns.
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a high place, about eight to six feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy !!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops,could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
14. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
15. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down a "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@OCDSB.edu.on.ca or Elvis-the-King@OCDSB.edu.on.ca
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label "IN."
6. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
7. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso
8. In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS".
9. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
10. Don't use any punctuation
11. As often as possible, skip rather than walk
12. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
13. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
14. Sing along at the opera
15. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
16. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
17. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
18. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
19. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
20. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
21. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
As Hostage Taker:
1. Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.
2. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.
3. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long.
4. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands.
5. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.
6. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.
7. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.
8. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a rock paper scissors tournament.
9. Forget your gun at home.
10. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie".
11. Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancé that this is all a joke and would she marry you.
As Negotiator:
1. Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off.
2. When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It's always you you you! What about my needs?!"
3. When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.
4. Show up stoned and do anything at all.
5. When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone "La la la la! I can't hear you!"
6. Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.
7. Tell the hostage take that you think Rosanne Barr should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off.
8. Tell the hostage taker you think it would be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.
9. Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to Hindu if he wants you to deal with him.
10.When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wussy attitude like that."
1. Wear a top hat.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juicy Fruits for you asthma.
7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
8. Whenever the badguy is doing something devoius, say, "Watch out!"
9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going to happen.
12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
13. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.
15. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friend already is.
16. Yell out loud, "Stop molesting me!"
1. Juggle the fruits.
2. Wedge things in all the freezer and refrigerator doors so that they
don't close all the way.
3. Buy a live lobster and set it free in the store.
4. Shake all the sodas.
5. Have shopping cart races down the aisles.
6. Talk to the fresh fish.
7. Dump the tray of food samples in your purse or pockets.
8. Pop the champagne bottles.
9. Use cantalopes for bowling balls and pineapples for bowlings pins and
hold a bowling tournament in the aisles.
10. "Accidentally" drop a jar of pickles and walk away very, very fast.
11. Fill a shopping cart with things like toilet paper, daipers, and
kleenex and leave it in the cereal aisle.
12. Throw a party.
13. Use a banana as a telephone and talk to your Aunt Edna.
14. Go to sleep in a shopping cart in the middle of the aisle.
15. Make race car noises as you "drive" your shopping cart up and down the aisles.
16. Try to auction off a grapefruit.
17. When they ask you if you want "paper or plastic" reply, "papestic please."
18. Switch the price labels on very expensive items with those of very cheap items.
19. Play hopscotch on the tiles on the floor.
20. Tell them you are with the Department of Health and you need to test
all of their foods.
21. Get in the express line with more than ten items.
22. Try a food sample and then say in a loud voice, "This tastes like my Aunt Martha!"
23. Whenever someone is blocking the aisle infront of you go "beep beep!"
24. Buy 75 sticks of deodorant.
25. Randomly stick boxes of Midol into guys' shopping carts when they
aren't looking.
26. Ask one of the cashiers if they have any pork that is suitable for a
sacrificial offering.
27. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" very loudly while walking around the supermarket with a shopping cart full of lambchops
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human brain" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, the n there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass...
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